


Slytherin fun

by turtles_to_the_max



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 22:49:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18291806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtles_to_the_max/pseuds/turtles_to_the_max
Summary: Dolores Umbridge has decorated the Slytherin common room with technicolor kittens, pink ribbons and lace doilies. For some reason, Bellatrix and Lucius need to talk.





	Slytherin fun

"Dolores, we need to talk."

Dolores Umbridge looked up from her knitting to see Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Black looking down at her. "What is it, Bella?"

"There are a few things we need to discuss," Lucius said. He gestured to three chairs in front of the common room fire. "If you want to sit..."

Dolores stood up and walked over to the chairs, prodding a few first- and second- years out; most squealed and ran for a further seat. All except for a small black-haired boy, settled in the comfiest chair, nose buried in a huge book.

Bellatrix prodded him in the back. The boy looked up. "What?"

Lucius gestured towards the chair impatiently. "Move."

"No," said the boy, going back to his book. 

There was an awkward silence while the three seventh-years just stood in disbelief, jaws hanging open, hands gesticulating meaninglessly.

Eventually, Lucius managed to stutter something. "Wha- what do you mean, 'no'?" 

"I mean, I won't move," replied the boy, not looking up. "It's my spot."

"Move!"

"No."

"I am a prefect and I order you to move!"

"You could be Minister for Magic for all I care. It's my spot."

Lucius grabbed the boy and lifted him into the air by the back of his shabby robes. "You need to learn some manners, you."

"Let - me - go!" the boy yelled, arms scrabbling to break Lucius's grip on him.

Lucius sighed impatiently and held the boy out at arm's length. "Who are you, anyways?"

"It's none of your business," the boy spat, still struggling. "Would you let me go!"

"Wait, I think my sister might know him," Bellatrix said. She turned and called into the darkness. "Cissa!"

A blonde girl poked her head out of a doorway. "What is it, Bella?"

Bellatrix pointed to the struggling boy. "Do you know this twerp?"

The sister glanced at the boy with disdain. "Yeah, he's just some Potions geek in my year. He's a half-blood - his dad's a Muggle." Her tone made it absolutely clear what she thought of half-bloods.

"Name?"

The blonde girl laughed. "It's - get this -  _Severus_." She snorted. "Seriously, who names their kid  _Severus_? Like, were you so ugly when you were born that your mother was like,  _sever us_ \- and then decided that that should be your name?"

"Look who's talking,  _Narcissa_!" the Severus boy yelled, still fighting to get back down. "A girl whose name abbreviates to  _Sissy_? Wasn't Narcissus the one who fell in love with himself and spent all day staring at his reflection until he turned into a flower?"

Narcissa turned pink. Lucius made a violent motion against the boy, but Bellatrix got there first; she grabbed the boy and slammed him into the bookshelf several feet above the ground, pinning him by the throat. "Now listen here, you slimy-haired half-blooded filthy pipsqueak," she snarled, pressing her wand directly underneath his chin. "Say one more word against my sister and you'll wish you'd never been born, is that clear?"

The boy mumbled something under his breath sounding suspiciously like 'you wish'.

Bellatrix roared. She lifted him up and slammed him even harder into the bookshelf, hand gripping his throat so tightly that it was turning white and wand digging into his neck. "I SAID, IS THAT CLEAR?"

The boy swallowed. "Ye - yes!" he squeaked, gasping for air. "Please - let me go - can't breathe -"

Bellatrix growled, still holding him tightly. "Not until - "

"Oh, leave him alone, Bella," interrupted Lucius silkily. "He's not worth the effort. I'm sure he understands -  _don't you_?"

The boy whimpered, nodding furiously.

"Oh, fine," Bellatrix said, rolling her eyes. She tossed the boy aside onto the floor, where he moaned and curled up into a ball. Shooting him one last contemptuous glance, she settled into the chair that he had been occupying.

"Anyways," Dolores said, "now that that's over with - you wanted to talk to me?"

Bellatrix nodded, her expression changing back to normal. "Yes. About your decorating schemes."

Dolores smiled. "You noticed them?"

Lucius sighed. "Of course we noticed them, Dolores. Here's the thing: Slytherin is green and our animal is the snake. Not pink and kittens!"

"But Lucius - "

"Look, Dolores," Bellatrix interrupted. "We know you love your cats and all, but this is going too far. You're ruining the whole Slytherin aesthetic. Keep your kitten plates in your bunk if you absolutely must, but please, get them out of the common room."

Dolores sniffed. "You guys are no fun." With a reluctant wave of her wand, the pink ribbons, lacy doilies, and embroidered moving kittens flew off of the shelves, the tables, the chairs, the windows, the portraits, the lamps, the fireplace, and the ceiling. They hovered in midair, a floating island of cuteness in an ocean of goth. "Better?"

Lucius leaned back in his chair. "Thank you. Now I might be able to look around without feeling like I'm in a five-year-old girl's bedroom."

Dolores winced. "Ouch. And I still need a place to put all this..."

"Just dump it on one of the chairs for now, I'll throw it all out later. I mean, what? You heard nothing." Lucius smirked.

Bellatrix grinned evilly. "Actually, I have a better idea." She took Dolores's wand and guided the mass of ribbons and kittens over one particular chair, where the black-haired boy from earlier was curled up, reading and massaging his throat. With a swish of her wand, the mass of sickly sweetness descended on the boy, who looked up just in time to find himself drowning in an endless sea of pink...

* * *

"ENOUGH!" Snape roared, breaking the connection. "Well, Potter, that was better..."

"Seriously, sir?" asked Harry, looking down at his Potions professor on the floor and trying to conceal his smirk. "I manage to penetrate your mind for only the second time during our Occlumency lessons, and this is what you first think of?"

"I don't want to talk about it," grumbled Snape, picking himself up off the floor. "Very well, Potter, let's try again...  _Legli -_ "

"One question before we start, Professor," said Harry, grinning broadly. "Is that why you always favour Malfoy in our lessons?"

Snape flushed. "I said, be quiet, Potter. Let's begin."

Harry couldn't resist. "No wonder Professor Umbridge doesn't like you - "

"SHUT UP, POTTER!"

 

 

 


End file.
